Kabuto's fun adventures!
by Kabutto
Summary: Kabuto's everyday life; missions, doing chores, doing everything Orochimaru tells him to do. Even if it comes to wearing a dress….
1. Cross dressing, ramen and evil plans!

"Hey…. Kabuto."

Kabuto looked up. He saw his master looking in his mirror with quite an anxious face. "Yes, Orochimaru-Sama?"

"Should I cut my hair?"

Orochimaru looked at Kabuto, who walked up to him, let his fingers caress his black hair a bit.

"Why do you ask?" Kabuto said.

"I… people… people think I want to look feminine…" Orochimaru blushed. His skin was pale white, so his cheeks turned a bit pink instead of red.

"Err…" Kabuto felt insulted. "….You always force me to cross dress and use me as a woman in your 'evil' plans."

"But with you it's different! You look girly, I _**don't**_!"

Kabuto felt extremely insulted and took a few steps back. "Orochimaru-Sama!"

"I've always had long hair… I feel like…. Changing my looks."

"But…" Kabuto's eyes narrowed. "I can't see you with short hair, Orochimaru-Sama."

"You had short hair, but when you joined me you decided to grow it longer." Said Orochimaru with a grumpy voice.

"It's not necessary to change your looks, Orochimaru-Sama, people will recognize you by your… snake-ish face…and..."

"I'LL GET CONTACTS AND MAKE UP!"

"..When I first met you I thought you actually had snake make up on…"

Orochimaru gave his servant a deadly stare. His eyes turned red.

"Woa woa woa-!" Kabuto cowardly walked back a few steps. "Jeez, I was eight years old back then!"

"Fine." Orochimaru looked back in his mirror. "I won't cut my hair then."

"Fine."

"FINE."

Orochimaru looked back in his mirror. "Hey…. Kabuto…"

"Now what?" Said Kabuto with a sigh.

"….Does these earrings make me look feminine?"

The servant rolled his eyes. "No. They don't. They fit you very well. More guys than you wear earrings. Even that fat guy Choji, or whatever his name is, and that friend of him. Shouldn't you focus on your plans on taking over Konoha instead, Orochimaru-Sama?"

"Yeah…. You're right." He put his mirror on the table, stood up, looked at his servant and said: "Yush! Let's go and take over Konoha Kabuto!"

"Yes… Orochimari-Sama."

* * *

Orochimaru and Kabuto were spying on the leaf village from a branch far up in the tree. "What's your plan?" Kabuto asked.

"The usual."

"Sending Manda to destroy the whole Village?"

"Sort of. And…." Suddenly, Orochimaru had a pink dress, a make up set and a ribbon in his hands. "We'll trick them with a damsel in distress!"

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA!" Kabuto screamed. "WHY ME?!"

"Because you have a girly face. Come on now, get changed!"

"Yes, Orochimaru…-Sama."

Kabuto took the dress Orochimaru gave him, jumped to a private place and changed. He came back with his clothes and hid them in the top of the tree.

"I will apply make up on you, dear Kabuto."

The very grumpy and embarrassed Kabuto closed his eyes and let his master apply eye make up, foundation and other things Kabuto didn't know the name of on his face. Orochimaru was actually the master of applying make up. Kabuto didn't dare asking why or how he got this skill. But he actually liked it when he looked in Orochimaru's mirror.

"I….. I look like a girl…" He said when his casual hairband got replaced with the pink ribbon with white dots.

"That's the whole point."

Kabuto sighted. "What do you want me to do?" He didn't sound very enthusiastic.

"Like I told you, you'll be the damsel in distress and I'll do all the work."

"BUT-" Kabuto was angry, but Orochimaru told him to shut up. "You'll walk to that restaurant Naruto loves so much. You're an ordinary Konoha citizen, be the damsel in distress, let all the guys fall in love with you, write down all the info in your ninja info cards, -do you have them?"

"Yes-"

"Good. Then the one and only, -heheh- me, come and destroy the whole village while you keep the boys busy."

"How does that make me the damsel in distress?" Kabuto was confused.

"I will kidnap you."

"…this is a stupid plan..."

"Now, go!"

"Yes, Orochimaru-Sama."

"Now say that with a girl's voice!"

Kabuto cleared his throat. "Yes, Orochimaru-Sama." He really did sound like a girl.

With embarrassment, Kabuto walked in the Leaf Village, his disguise was really good, he thought. Because no one was able to recognize him, and he had a really bad reputation in this village. Everybody knew he was Orochimaru's personal handyman, doctor, partner, lover, you name it.

He had no troubles finding the restaurant Naruto-Kun liked. And with no surprise, Naruto-Kun himself was there, eating ramen with Sai by his side.

"Oh my god, this is so awkward." Kabuto said to himself while walking up to them, took a seat next to Sai and ordered a bowl of Ramen.

"Oooh~ who's that cute girl?" Naruto said quiet to Sai.

"I don't know." He answered quiet and with out any emotion.

"It works!" Kabuto thought. While waiting for his ramen, he looked at the two boys and gave them a cute smile.

"Ooooh! She's really cute! Almost as cute as Sakura-chan!" Naruto shouted.

"Thank… you." Kabuto blushed. He tried to play the cute, quiet and innocent girl.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" Naruto said loud and proud! "What's your name?"

Kabuto felt how a cold wave flooded inside of him. His master never said what name Kabuto should call himself as!

"Uhh…. I'm…" Kabuto tried not to sweat. "Ka.." He swallowed. "Ka..rin."

"Karin!"

"Yeah…" Kabuto blushed and looked away. "Oh my god it worked!" His inner voice screamed.

"Want to go somewhere with me and Sai?"

"I'd like to. But.. what about the ramen?"

"Eat it first! Ramen is the most important thing in the world!"

"What an…. Obnoxious kid…" Kabuto thought.

* * *

"Orochimaru-Sama…. This is hell… YOU OWE ME BIG TIME!" Kabuto's inner voice screamed while Kabuto was having his arms around Naruto-Kun's left arm.

"Hey… Naruto-Kun…" Kabuto said.

"Yeah?"

"Who's that girl you mentioned before?"

"Who-? Oh- Sakura-Chan! She's really cute."

"Do you like her?"

"Yes, I do. But she doesn't like me."

"Do you like me?"

"Hm? Yes, I do."

"Do you like me as much as you like Sakura-Chan?"

"I don't know, Karin-Chan."

As they continued to walk, Kabuto just longed for Orochimaru-Sama to arrive. He couldn't stand this.

"OOOHH WHAT A PRETTY GIIIIRRRLLL!" A voice screamed.

Kabuto looked up. A ugly boy in tights ran towards them. "Hey, Naruto-Kun, who's this?" He asked.

"This is Karin-Chan!"

"Hello~" Kabuto smiled.

"She's really pretty! Hello, I'm Rock Lee!" He shook hands with Kabuto. Kabuto tried his best to look as innocent and cute as possible. Oh, how embarrassing this was….

"Umm…" Kabuto said. "Can't we go to somewhere fun?"

"Sure!"

Then, suddenly, Orochimaru appeared in front of them.

"Oro-… Orochimaru!" Naruto shouted. "What are you doing here?!"

"Wow… Naruto-Kun is stupid." Kabuto thought.

"I'm here to take over Konoha!" He grabbed Kabuto's arm and tried to drag him to himself. "And to kidnap this pretty girl of yours! Who is she, your girlfriend?"

"No! I barely know her!" Naruto said.

"CAN YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?!" Rock Lee screamed.

Kabuto stared at them both. Then he went back to his character. "Help meee! He's gonna kill me!" Kabuto tried to get free from Orochimaru-Sama's hard grip, but he acted weak, so he failed. "Heelp!"

"Mohahahaha!"Orochimaru laughed. "Surrender, or I will kill this girl!"

"We will never surrender nor we will not let you kill this girl!"

"So be it.." Orochimaru summoned Manda, who immediately destroyed a bit of the village.

"Shit!" Naruto said. "What do we do?!"

"I don't know!" Lee said. "You're the one with the ninjustu."

"Just because I can master ninjustu doesn't mean I'm smart!"

Orochimaru jumped up on the snake with Kabuto.

"Heeeelp meeee!" Kabuto screamed. "Wow Orochimaru…. These guys fell for it…" Kabuto continued with a lower voice.

"I know." Orochimaru smirked. "This time we WILL TAKE OVER KONOHA!"

Naruto and Lee jumped on the snake and ran up to them and tried to attack him from behind, but that didn't work. Orochimaru attacked them before they even tried to attack him. "Fools."

"Fuck you Orochimaru, give us back Karin!" Naruto said.

"Never!" He held Kabuto up in the air, almost like Orochimaru could drop him in any moment and let him fall down.

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Kabuto's voice slipped.

Naruto and Rock Lee stared at Kabuto as he stared at them with a red face and big eyes.

"You sound like a guy… KABUTO!" They said.

"For fuck sakes Kabuto!" Orochimaru yelled.

"I'm so sorry Orochimaru-Sama! Please don't drop me!" Kabuto started to sweat and his makeup got ruined.

"I almost got a crush on you!" Naruto tried to kick Orochimaru, but Kabuto got free from his master's grip and kicked him in the gut.

"Orochimaru-Sama, let's retreat!"

"Good idea. This plan failed."

* * *

"EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!" Orochimaru screamed.

"B-b-b-b-but it was your plan!"

"BUT YOU SCREWED IT UP!"

"I'M SO SORRY OROCHIMARU-SAMA!"

"WE NEED TO TAKE OVER KONOHA BEFORE THE MAIN STORY IS OVER!"

"YES, OROCHIMARU-SAMA!"

"BUT FIRST…. Buy me more hair dye; I don't want grey hair like you do Kabuto. I want to look good you know."

"OROCHIMARU-SAMAAAAAAAAAAA!"


	2. The Beach chapter!

Hello everybody and welcome to the second chapter of Orochimaru's and Kabuto's fun adventures! Thank you for reviewing, faving and following! It means a lot to me! This story is inspired by Naruto SD (Rock Lee and his ninja pals) and my cosplay picture which you can find right here on DeviantART: art/Orochimaru-s-orders-to-Kabuto-391815397

Now, here's the second chapter, read it and enjoy!

* * *

The sun was shining outside, but our fellow main characters in this story didn't notice that fact, due to the deep cave they were in; The so called The Village hidden by Sound. It was actually not really a village, the leader and founder of the "village", Orochimaru, just want people to think it's a village. It's actually several hideouts where he and his partner Kabuto Yakushi can create evil plans, do experiments on children or talk about how much they hate The Hidden Leaf Village.

It wasn't until Kabuto walked outside to do some shopping (Orochimaru's hair dye and snake food) he noticed it was a very nice summer day.

"Hey, Orochimaru-Sama," Kabuto said to his master. "Can't we do something fun today?"

"Like, what? You're supposed to go and buy those things I ordered you to do!" Orochimaru hissed.

"Like…. Go to the beach!"

"Me? At the beach? Are you fuckin' kidding me?"

"You haven't been at the beach since…."

"Never."

"Since never! C'mon, you only live once Orochimaru-Sama-"

"Haha no, I'm immortal."

Kabuto stared at him. "Today I decide what we're gonna do today! You, and I, will go to the beach!"

"…Fine."

* * *

Kabuto packed their bags with everything they needed, because Orochimaru was pale white and pretty much an Albino, he needed lots of sun screen protection. Orochimaru let Kimimaro in charge of the cave hideout while they were gone for the day.

"This shall be so much fuuun!" Kabuto said while he raised his arms up in the air.

"Somebody kill me…" Orochimaru muttered.

They went to a beach a bit further away. They were dressed in their Hawaii clothes they once used in a try to take over the Leaf, which didn't succeed either; Due to Kabuto got arrested for smuggling pornographic scrolls when they tried to get through customs.

Orochimaru looked in his mirror. "Well, I gotta say, I look really fabulous~!"

"Like always, Orochimaru-Sama!" Kabuto smiled and put down both of their bags and their box full of food on the sand. (Of course, Kabuto had to carry both of their bags. Poor Kabuto!) "By the way Orochimaru-Sama…. Why do you always carry that mirror with you?"

"Because I want to make sure I look GOOD, you know, unlike you, who has a bad skin and man, in your teens, you had a really bad acne."

"Shut up."

" And I have to wear my hat so my grey roots doesn't show." He looked at Kabuto and smirked.

"….Shut up. We'll color your hair tonight, ok?"

* * *

Both of them were sitting in their beach chairs, enjoying the summer weather until….

* * *

"Oh fuck! Orochimaru is there!"

"What is he doing on the beach?"

"No idea."

"They took our spot!"

* * *

Kabuto looked up, he could have sworn he heard some people talking, but he decided to ignore it and went back to his tanning.

"It doesn't look like he enjoys it…"

"That nerd who serve him must have forced him…"

"Dude, are they married or what?"

"Who knows dude, who knows."

* * *

"Kabuuuuttoooooooooo!" Orochimaru yelled.

Kabuto jumped and fell down from his chair. "W-what is it Orochimaru-Sama? Have I done something wrong? Are you bored? Do you want me to hug you?"

"No!" He hissed. "I'm hungry. Where's the food?!"

Kabuto stared at him. "In box is over there."

"Open it and give me food!"

"What?"

Orochimaru removed his sunglasses and gave him another deadly stare.

"Yes…. Orochimaru-Sama."

Kabuto walked to the box, opened it and picked up a sandwich to his master.

"Thank you, Kabuto."

"You're welcome."

Kabuto walked around on the beach. He still felt like they were being watched.

"We're you going?" Orochimaru asked.

"I'm gonna… go and check something..." Kabuto walked in the forest with a kunai hidden in his holster. He couldn't see anyone at first, but then he saw two people with cloaks hiding in a tree.

"….Akatsuki cloaks. Holy shit." Kabuto whispered and ran back to his master.

"Orochimaru-Sama, Orochimaru-Sama! Two men…. Or… one man and a girl… I don't know, is watching us!"

Orochimaru raised his sunglasses again and looked at him, then at the forest.

"If only I had the Sharingan by now I could see who those people are from here, but I DON'T have the Sharingan.. because you're a freaking idiot who can't do one fucking thing."

"Well excuuuse mee, but you're not freaking doing anything! I do all the fucking work around here! And why are you blaming me for you not having the Sharingan?! We have Sasuke and-"

"You say I don't do anything! I killed the third hokage!"

"You wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for me!"

"I AM A LEGENDARY SANNIN!"

"I HAVE THE NINJA INFO CARDS!"

"HAHAHA YOUR NINJA INFO CARDS IS NOTHING AGAINST MY FORBIDDEN JUTSU'S!"

"WELL I-"

"OH JUST SHUT UP!"

Orochimaru jumped up from his chair and started to walk to the forest. He just had to walk five steps, and then he saw who they were. "Kabuto I think your vision has become worse again. Soon you'll be blind."

"Shut up." Kabuto stared at him.

"Hey, Tobi, Deidara, get the fuck down from there."

A masked man and a…. person with long blonde hair jumped down from the tree.

"O-O-Orochimaru! Long time no see!" Said the masked man.

"Tobi… what the fuck are you two doing here?"

"We wanted to go to the beach and… you guys took our spot."

"But you guys don't have any things with you!" Kabuto said.

"Shut the FUCK UP FOUR-EYES." Deidara yelled, which was a man according to his masculine voice.

"Now now… calm down Deidara…" Orochimaru grinned.

Deidara stared at him with wild eyes.

"Eh-heh-he-heh…" Tobi laughed nervously. "I think we'll just go away for now… right, Dei?"

"Yeah yeah whatever."

The two Akatsuki members walked away.

"Do you know how much I adore you Orochimaru-Sama?" Kabuto said with his hands on his chest and stars were floating around him.

Orochimaru completely ignored him and removed his hat and shirt.

Kabuto kept staring at his abs. "Holy mother of god… am I dreaming..?" He whispered to himself and tried to hide his nosebleed.

"Hey Kabuto, you said you wanted to swim earlier. Why don't you swim?"

"…what….." Kabuto didn't seem to listen.

"WHY DON'T YOU SWIM?!"

"OH- uhh….."

"Why are you staring at me?!"

"Sorry, Orochimaru-Sama…. Sure, I'll swim… but you need sun screen protection of you don't want to get burned. Your skin is very sensitive."

"Hmpf. All right."

With a red face Kabuto went and got the sunscreen bottle.

"This is heaven…." He thought.

* * *

"KABUUUUUTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Y-y-yes Orochimaru-S-ssama?"

"That sun screen procetion didn't work! My whole fucking skin is burned! This is all your fault!"

"I'm so sorry, Orochimaru-Sama!"

Orochimaru sat in a pitch-black room with only a few lights on. He was very mad at his servant. His snake eyes was fixed on Kabuto, Orochimaru felt like he could kill him in any moment now.

"Just stay here…. For a week…. I'll bring you foo-"

"BRING ME SASUKE!"

"Uhh… I'll be right back with the food, Orochimaru-Sama."

"…Good."

Kabuto went out of the room, but after four steps he heard Orochimaru screaming for him.

He went back to the room.

"Now what?"

"GIVE ME SASUUUKEEE."

"….I'm going to be honest with you here… He's not home, Orochimaru-Sama…"

"Where is he?!"

"….At a party, Orochimaru-Sama…"

"AT A PARTY?!"

"Yes, Orochimaru-Sama. He's at that age when you want to go out and have fun, meet girls, trying out alcohol, drugs, you know, the usual. Things I never did when I was a teenager."

"Should I feel bad for you now?"

Kabuto did the glasses thing and was silent for a moment. "I guess not. But he won't be back until Monday. You should rest, Orochimaru-Sama."

"Very well."

"I'll be right back with the food."


	3. Cross dressing will haunt you forever

"Hey Kabuto, look at these reviews!"

"NOPE! NOPE I'M NOT READING!"

"They are hilarious!"

"Does is say anything about me?!"

"Yeah, about you screw everything up all the time and how girly you always look!"

"WHAT?!"

"It's true!"

"Well, in this chapter I'm not going to screw anything up or become a victim of cross dressing!"

Hm. Yeah. Kabuto…. Let's see about that…

* * *

Orochimaru's sunburn finally healed, and he actually looked really tanned! And by tanned, he looked like an average human being in October. That was tanned for him. Seriously, he's been pale-white since birth.

He looked himself in the mirror. He didn't really know if he thought he was still fabulous or not.

"Hey… Kabuto, do you have any white face makeup?" Orochimaru asked, one rainy day.

"Oooou, I knew this would happen. But, no. I don't. Orochimaru-Sama."

"Then what should I do about this?!" Orochimaru pointed at his face and he sounded furious.

"You could always let it be, you said in the first chapter that you wanted to change your loo-" Orochimaru grabbed Kabuto's shirt and dragged his servant rapidly close to him.

"YEAH WHEN IT WAS MY OWN INTENTION! THIS IS YOUR FAULT AND I DON'T LIKE IT!"

"I'm so sorry Orochimaru-Sama! How can I make it up to you?"

"BUY ME WHITE FACEPAAAAIIIINNNTT!" (He already has lots of purple eyeshadow… wonder why, hmm?)

"Okay okay okay I will, Orochimaru-Sama!"

* * *

Kabuto was in the grocery store, of course in a disguise because he didn't want anyone to recognize him. Even if he has been in almost every village as a spy he chose to go to the Leaf's most famous grocery store, not only because it was the closest one, it was because Orochimaru's favorite hair dye (pitch-black) was only available is in this store.

A bit further away he saw Naruto, Rock Lee and Shikamaru. He knew that Shikamaru was a genius and was like the good version of Kabuto himself, so Shikamaru could easily reveal Kabuto from his disguise.

Rock Lee was loud as always and never looked where he was walking; so he accidently bumped into Kabuto who were looking for all the things Orochimaru wanted.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Rock Lee said and didn't notice Kabuto's hood had fallen off.

"K-Kabuto..-San?" Naruto said.

Kabuto quickly jumped up on his feet and felt how he started to panic a bit.

"What are you doing here?" Lee-San asked.

"I'm just shopping!"

"For your evil plans?!"

"No no no no no nothing like that!"

"How troublesome…" Shikamaru said and didn't seem to care at all, but he didn't leave.

"Then why are you shopping?!"

"_What_ are you shopping?!"

Naruto's and Rock Lee's eyes were burning like fire and they were prepared to fight.

"I'M SHOPPING MAKEUP AND FOOD OKAY!"

"….why are you shopping for makeup dattebayo?" Naruto said.

"Is it for you, Kabuto-San?" Lee asked.

Kabuto became pale. Oh my god, _**no**_. He thought he would finally not have to have this kind of conversation in this motherfucking chapter!

"No- no it's not for me!" Kabuto said. "It's for-"

"Ah, don't be so shy, Kabuto-San." Rock Lee put his arm around his shoulders. "We all know you're a victim of cross dressing! Like our pal Neji, he is too!"

"Why me?!"

"Because…" Suddenly, one of Rock Lee's famous skits took place and Lee stood on a mountain and said: "…YOU HAVE THE POWER!" And you could see (and of course hear) thunder and lightning behind him.

Kabuto cried a river. "And I really hoped I could go one day without hearing this! Even in our reviews I get told this."

They stared at Kabuto.

"Could you guys please let go of the cross dressing and…. ALL THAT, just for today and let me shop in peace?" Kabuto left and got his groceries, but Naruto and Lee were following him.

"Why are you guys following me?!"

"Because we're bored dattebayo." Said Naruto.

"And we want to see what you're shopping."

Jeez, these guys are even more annoying now than he pretended to be his female self, Karin. Kabuto took everything he needed and went to the checkout. They even followed him when he walked out from the store and were on his way home.

"WHY ARE YOU GUYS STILL FOLLOWING MEEE?!" He screamed and his teeth looked like shark teeth and his eyes were red.

"To see where you're going."

"BUT WHY?!"

"We're bored."

Kabuto screamed.

* * *

When he finally got rid of Naruto and Rock Lee, he went to Orochimaru's room and showed him the new hairdye. "Here it is Orochimaru-Sama!"

"Yush! I'm so down for this!"

"Err… okay, well… let's go to the bathroom then."

They went to the bathroom and while Orochimaru sat just in a white tank top on the toilet Kabuto's face turned read when he massaged his hear and colored his year.

"It's going to be sooo fabulous Orochimaru-Sama, don't you worry a thing."

"_OOOOH MY GOOOD THIS IS HEAVEN_" the inner voice of Kabuto Yakushi said. No wait. Kind of more, screamed with excitement.

When it was done, Orochimaru looked himself in the mirror and blushed. "Oh my, it looks so beautiful!" He smiled like a little girl.

Kabuto crossed his arms and felt proud. "I knew you would like it."

"Now…. GO FEED MANDA!"

"Yes…. Orochimaru-Sama.."

Kabuto went deep down in the cave. He glanced on all their prisoners they sometimes made experiments on. He couldn't help it but to feel like he was like one of those scary doctors from horror movies. It made him feel kind of sassy.

He went to the snake and gave her food, and then he saw him.

"What are you doing down here?!"

"Dude, I'm always down here."

"But, I thought you were out partying!"

"I was. But now I'm back."

"Well.. You know Orochimaru-Sama wants to meet you..?"

"I ain't going to that motherfucking pedophile! Who knows what he will do to me with those fucking snakes."

"WOAH SASUKE WATCH YOUR FREAKING TOUNGE!"

"But it's true though."

"You gotta be careful on what you say about our master Sasuke-"

"You're just angry because I talk shit about your husband."

Kabuto's face turned red and his glasses turned white. He gasped. "Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did!"

"I-"

"Awww, you're blushing like a 12 year old girl."

Kabuto did the glasses thing and decided to leave.

"Are you leaving?!" Sasuke shouted.

Kabuto didn't answer.

"I can totally see you as the UKE if you and Orochimaru was in a fan-zine." He laughed.

Kabuto stared down on the floor, then on Sasuke. "…what did you say…"

"Didn't you hear me?" He smirked.

The medical ninja did the glasses thing once again and walked away for real.

Well, secretly he could actually agree with Sasuke. Aaarrgghh! What was he thinking?!

Then he reminded himself of that no one had mentioned cross dressing for a while, which made him pretty happy and relived.

"Finally! I made it this far without being forced putting on a dress! This must be some kind of record!"

"Hey, Kabuto!" Orochimaru said as he walked in Kabuto's room.

"Yes, Orochimaru-Sama?"

"The Leaf village is going to have a super model contest tomorrow. Put on your sexiest dress. The winner get's to eat dinner with Tsunade. It's our chance to take over the Leag Village!" Orochimaru smirked.

Kabuto's jaw dropped.

Well, shit.

* * *

Oh, Kabuto! Things didn't go exactly as you planned! Oh, poor you.

Thanks for reading. This chapter isn't as long as the other previous two but I got out of ideas. Imma think more for the upcoming chapter.

Remember this fan fiction is not to be taken seriously. My english is not superb.


	4. Kabuto's day off

Orochimaru was sitting by his desk, writing down new ideas for new super-evil jutsus he could use to prove he was a better villain than the gangster gang Akatsuki and the ROOT. He had to create something even cooler than the Edo Tensei… but… what?

Kabuto stepped in the room. "What are you doing, Orochimaru-Sama?"

"Oh, just trying to create some new jutsus…"

"Ouu, how's it going?"

"HOW DO YOU THINK IT GOES?!"

"…bad?"

"YES."

"Any missions you want me to do today? Spy on the Leaf village, try to steal Jiraiya-sama's famous books or..?"

"I can't think of anything! I'm sorry, you're free to do whatever you want today."

Something inside of Kabuto died a bit. He was so used to have any kind of duty everyday. It was somewhat his life since he was eight years old.

"But- I need to do something today! Nothing you want me to do?"

"Nope."

"B-b-but…"

"I SAID NO!"

Kabuto left the room with a pale face.

_WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NOW?_

The answer was: He went to the Leaf Village.

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki, the real main character of the main story, went to eat lunch at his favorite restaurant. That's where he saw him.

"K-Kabuto-San? What are you doing here!?"

"Oh, me? I'm just eating." Kabuto replied with a vacant expression.

"If you are here… that means… OROCHIMARU IS HERE SOMEWHERE TOO!" Naruto started to look around.

"Nope, he's not trying to take over the Leaf today."

Kabuto took a sip of his beer. "I'm so fucking bored. Wanna do something today, Naruto-Kun?"

"Me, doing something with you?! No fucking way! I'd rather kill myself."

"C'mon! I have no fucking duties to do today. I've always had a duty since I was fucking eight or so."

"What do you mean dattebayo?"

"Ok ok ok, when I was –hic- _veeEEEery_ small I had to do a lot of shit missions all the fucking time just because of that asshole with the band aid around his fucking head forced me to do it. Then Oo_oo_orochi-hic-_maruuUu _appeared in front of my FUCKING FACE WHEN I WAS FUCKING FOURTEEN AND TOLD ME TO DO THE FUCK SAME. YOU GET IT, KID?!"

"…..Are you drunk?"

"What do you MEAN I'M DRUNK?!" Kabuto filled his glass with my beer and drank it all up. "I'mh not drunk."

"Yes you are drunk dattebayo."

Naruto-Kun decided so sit down beside Kabuto-San to keep him company. He thought it was fun and interesting to hear Kabuto reveal his extremely shitty childhood. Even Naruto's childhood seemed awesome comparing to his!

"And then…." Kabuto placed his left arm around Naruto's shoulder. "…_OooOooOooooOOOrochimaruuu _said….. You're free to do whatever you want to do today! Ttthhhat asshole!"

"Yeah… you've said that about ten times now…" Naruto said. He started to feel a bit creeped out.

Sakura and Sai came walking by. "Hey, isn't that Kabuto-San?" Sakura asked while they were walking up to them. "What is he doing? Why is he here with you?"

"Orochimaru gave him a day off." Naruto explained.

"So he has to come here and get wasted?" Sakura said.

"Pretty much."

"I think he has fallen asleep." Sai said and pointed at him.

And it was true. Kabuto's face was buried in Naruto's bowl of Ramen.

"Aaaaahhh! My Ramen!" Naruto screamed.

Sakura grabbed his bangs and dragged him up. Yes, he was indeed asleep.

"We need to take him to the Leaf's health center."

* * *

Kabuto woke up with the worst hangover he has ever had. He couldn't see a thing so he had no clue where he was. All he saw was white and blue mixed together in a total blurry mess.

"Uggh…" He rubbed his forehead. "Where am I?"

"You're at the Leaf's health center dattebayo!"

"That voice… Naruto-Kun!"

"You fell asleep so we took you here!"

"'We', who more?"

"Sakura-Chan and Sai-San!"

"Oh." He tried to sit up, but then he got a major headache. "What happened? What day is it? For how long did I sleep?"

"You've only slept for five hours. Man, I didn't know you were from the Leaf orphanage!"

Kabuto tried to look for Naruto, but he couldn't see him, but his face was full of fear. "Who told you that?!"

"You did!"

"FUCK! And where the fuck is my glasses?!"

"At the desk next to you!"

"Can you give them to me?! I'm fucking blind without them! (I was like, born with a bad eyesight.)"

Naruto gave him his glasses. Kabuto put them on, did the glasses thing and then looked at him. "What more did I tell you?"

"Like, everything about your childhood."

"Even the time when I was in puberty and Orochimaru-Sama bullied me for my extremely bad skin?!"

"Yep!"

"And when I was scared of snakes and had to feed Orochimaru-Sama's pet snake for the first time and screamed like a girl and everybody laughed at me, even Orochimaru-Sama himself?!"

"EEEEVERYTHING! Even how much you love Orochimaru!"

"MY LIFE IS OVER!" Kabuto face palmed and sobbed.

"You seem to feel better, Kabuto-San." Sakura walked in the room.

"OF COURSE I'M FEELING BETTER, I'M A FUCKING DOCTOR." Kabuto screamed and jumped out of bed, fully healed.

"Kabuto-San, please calm down!"

"Shut the hell up! I'm getting the hell out of here!" Kabuto punched a hole in the window and ran away.

"….."

"Hey, Sakura-Chan, should we follow him?"

"Hmmmm, he's a rouge ninja and we're the heroes! YES we should follow him, you fucking dumbass!"

Kabuto ran through the village while thinking where he could hide. He thought it would be pointless trying to get back to his home, because Orochimaru-Sama would get so fucking pissed at him and punish him.

He ran into a clothing store, shoplifted a (yeah, he had no choice) dress and put it on. Then he ran into the ghetto and stole a scarf there.

Suddenly, he was lying on a bench while pretending to be a hobo.

Naruto, Sakura and Sai came running by. Kabuto pretended to be asleep. Then he heard a voice:

"Excuse me, have you seen a grey-haired man with big round glasses and blue-purple-ish clothes?"

Kabuto looked up. "Emm, no."

"Okay! Have a good day!"

Naruto and the others ran away. Kabuto saw his chance and escaped.

He walked with big caution and tried not to expose himself. Kabuto was hiding behind a bush, thinking how he could get home quickly as possible without anyone noticing him. Kabuto looked up, he saw a girl with two buns on her head talking to that Lee-boy. He looked down in the grass again. Shit!

But then Kabuto remembered that he actually was a spy. He was told by his old master Sasori that he had the ability to erase his scent and tracks. Kabuto was pretty much a shadow. "Yes… now I'll get the hell of out here." Kabuto jumped high up in a tree, looked around him and then jumped to other trees 'til he reached the forest.

There, he met….

"OROCHIMARU-SAMA?!"

"DON'T SCREAM!" Orochimaru covered his mouth. "What the fuck have you been up to?! You smell like beer. And is that…. Women's clothing?!"

"Orochimaru-Sama… I can explain!"

"I don't think I need one. I've created a new jutsu! Let's go and destroy Konoha!"

"Today? Can't… we do it tomorrow? I'm tired as shit."

"Fine…."

"We'll bring Kimimaro, Tayuya and all the others with us. Maybe things will go better when there's more than just us two."

Orochimaru kicked him so he fell down on the ground.

"What was that for?!" Kabuto screamed.

"ARE YOU CALLING ME WEAK?! WE DON'T NEED KIDS TO DO THE JOB FOR US!"

"Fine…" Kabuto jumped up to the tree again. "Let's go home, it's dusk soon."

"Kabuto.."

"Yes?"

"Why are you holding my hand?"

"Ummm…"

"Let go of my hand."

"Yes… Orochimaru-Sama.."


	5. Christmas shopping!

Yeah, I've edited the title and description. I think it's more fitting this way!

* * *

_It's Christmas soon…. What should I buy for Orochimaru-Sama_?

Kabuto was standing in the middle of the city, looking at clothes in the window. _Maybe would like to have a new jacket? Or should I sew one? _

The medical nin decided to walk inside the shop. He checked first the suits. Kabuto wanted Orochimaru-Sama to have something black, purple or yellow. He got deciding anxiety, Kabuto decided to ask an employee for help.

"I'm looking for a suit."

"Is it for you, or is it for somebody else?" The woman asked, she had curly blonde hair, her face was covered with makeup and her clothes were flashy and expensive. Kabuto was glad he had a scarf today so he could easily hide his nosebleed.

"No, it's not for me… it's for.."

"Your father?"

"No, my…"

"Brother?"

"He's not a relative. He's my…"

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, you could put it that way." Kabuto's face turned red and his glasses tinted.

"Lovely." The woman smiled. "What kind of style does he have and what colors does he like?"

"Uh… he likes casual clothing… like, you know…" Kabuto couldn't get over the fact that he said Orochimaru-sama was his boyfriend. He actually wasn't. But Kabuto really wishes he were!

"…And", Kabuto continued. "He likes purple a lot, and blue, yellow and black…"

"Why don't we try to find something in those colors?" The woman smiled and Kabuto nodded.

Kabuto followed her as they went and looked on many suits. There was a purple suit that followed with a yellow napkin. "That one is perfect." Kabuto said and his eyes were like stars. "I'll take that one, with a black tie."

"Lovely."

Ohhh my god Orochimaru-sama is going to love his present! And I hope he buys something nice to me tooo!

"Uhh… excuse me… sir?"  
Kabuto snapped out of his dream. "Yes?"

"Do you want me to wrap it as a Christmas present?"

"Yes, that'd be lovely, thank you!"

While she was wrapping the suit and tie Kabuto saw Naruto Uzumaki a meter away. He was heading for the girl's section. _Buying something for that Sakura girl? _Kabuto thought. Rock Lee was sneaking up behind him and after him came a girl with two buns on her head and boy with long brown hair and white eyes.

Kabuto looked back at the sexy girl. He took a peek at her breasts and then at the present.

"All done!" She said, put the present in a plastic bag and gave it to him. Kabuto gave her the money and wished her a merry Christmas and walked out of the store.

Kabuto was jumping with joy as he started to walk to other stores to buy presents for his Sound comrades, Sound four.

When he was new in the Hidden Sound, when he was more mentally unstable than he is now, he had some kind of a crush on Tayuya. Now he had a crush on Orochimaru, but still, Kabuto wanted to buy something special for her. He thought for himself: _What does girls like? _Kabuto went to the mall. There was this makeup shop. _Maybe she would like to have makeup as a present? _Kabuto decided to give the shop a chance. Tayuya's hair had the color of a strawberry. He thought maybe she would like to have lipstick that fit her color. Kabuto found red lipstick, "that will do it!" he said to himself and took expensive mascara too.

Then he went to the other shops to find something for Kimimaro, Kidomaru, Jirobo, Sakon (and Ukon). Kabuto thought for a moment.

* * *

When he got back to their lair he put all the presents under their Christmas tree.

Tayuya observed him on what he was doing with crossed arms. She looked bended down so her long strawberry pink hair tingled Kabuto's nose.

"T-tayuya-chan! What the hell?"

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I do?"

Tayuya chuckled, they looked each other in the eyes and she whispered: "Will you be my mistletoe-kiss?"

Kabuto stared at her, his eyes turned big as dinner plates and his cheeks turned red. He kind of stumbled back a bit.

She grinned. "I know you secretly like me. You're so fucking hot, you know that?"

"I.. I don't!"

"Oh please, the way you looked at me when I was new here and you were not as handsome as you are now…" She played a bit with Kabuto's hair.

"Tayuya… you're pretty, you really are, but I lov.."

Tayuya raised her brows, but Orochimaru stepped into the room with his arms around his stomach. He smirked. "Well well… a little Christmas love, I see?"

Kabuto jumped up. "No! No-! It's not what it seems like!" He panicked.

Tayuya giggled and stood up. "Oh so that's how it is…."

"WHAT?!" Kabuto yelled at her.

"Nothing." She smirked.

"There there… Kabuto dear. She's a bit hotheaded. I see you bought presents?"

"Oh, yes yes! I bought presents for y-you Orochimaru-sama" Kabuto blushed "and for Sound five too!"

Orochimaru took a peek under the Christmas tree. "Lovely lovely…"

"Kabuto wish to kiss you under the mistletoe!" Tayuya said out loud. Kabuto immediately shut her mouth. He looked and their master and made an awkward laugh. "No no no no, she's just joking…." But Kabuto's red cheeks revealed he was lying.

Tayuya struggled to get free from Kabuto's hard grip around her, but she didn't succeed that well.

Orochimaru didn't say a word. He just chuckled and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Kabuto let go of Tayuya, and he was furious.  
"Why did you say that for?!"

"Tss, everybody knows you have a crush on Orochimaru-sama!"

"Even Orochimaru-sama himself?!"

"I guess so. I'm pretty sure he feels the same about you. You're his favorite after all."

"I thought Sasuke-kun was his favorite."

"The only thing Orochimaru-sama want's from that jerk is just his fucking Sharingan."

"And his body…"

"True that."

"He won't take mine even how much I've offered it." Kabuto fell down on the ground and created his own little emo-corner.

"Are you stupid? He would never take your body! Then we wouldn't have a talented spy and doctor…" Tayuya blushed and looked away.

Kabuto looked up at her. "Really?" His eyes shined like diamonds.

"Y-yeah…"

Kabuto stood up.

"Tayuya-chan."

She looked at Kabuto with a questioned look.

"You're great. Continue being great." Kabuto hugged her and Tayuya felt comfort in his chest. "I know you have feelings for me, but I love Orochimaru, but I'll never stop treat you like you're my sister. OK?"

Tayuya was silent for a little while. Then she smiled and nodded.

"Cool! I need to feed Orochimaru's snakes, wanna join?"

"Sure."


End file.
